Mayhem of Nature
by The Additional Pylon
Summary: What if Pit had been able to spend more time at Viridi's Sanctuary between Ch 18 and 21? With Viridi, her commanders, and Pit having to spend their free time together, things are bound to get weirder faster than Hades can eat an angel. Okay, maybe a bit faster than that but things are definitely bound to get interesting. Witness the mayhem of Pit and the Forces of Nature!
1. Moving In

**Ch 1: Moving In**

"… and that's the 24-hour cafeteria complete with a salad bar and chocolate fountain next to the armory," Viridi finished explaining to a very tired and confused Pit as they finally came to a stop. "Any questions?"

"Umm… why do you have a salad bar around here?" Pit asked as he tried to get a look inside the place. "I mean, isn't it sort of weird for your troops to be eating salad seeing as how most of them are plants themselves?"

Viridi couldn't help but give a mischievous smile before answering.

"Apparently someone hasn't tasted our Nutski/Zert Spring Mix Salad before. With the right amount of dressing it's simply divine."

Pit couldn't help but stare at the goddess with an open mouth as he heard this. Upon seeing the shocked look on Pit's face, Viridi couldn't help but start laughing.

"Ha ha! Wow, your expression is just priceless!" she managed to say in between her fits of laughter. "I can't believe you actually believed that! You really aren't the brightest angel in the bunch, huh?"

"I'm the only angel around here," Pit pouted, realizing that Viridi had tricked him, as the aforementioned goddess continued to laugh at him.

After a couple more minutes, Viridi finally got tired of laughing and assumed her usual semi-serious demeanor.

"Ahem. Anyways, the salad bar does have actual food so head there if you ever get hungry. And seeing as how I'm such a generous and caring goddess, I'll only charge you 5000 hearts for every meal."

"Er, thanks… I guess," Pit replied uncertainly. "By the way, you haven't told me exactly where I'm supposed to sleep."

"Oh, right. I almost forgot about that," Viridi muttered as she brought her hand up to her chin as she began thinking. "Hmmm. We don't exactly have a lot of spare rooms so this might be a bit of a problem. I mean, I guess I could ask one of my commanders to let you room with them for a bit. How does crashing at Phosphora's place sound?"

"W… W… WHAT?" Pit stuttered out as his face turned bright red. "Y… you're joking right?"

"Of course I'm joking ding-brain," Viridi answered, completely ignoring Pit's outburst. "Phosphora hates having people in her room. Heck, she doesn't even let the Urgles in to clean. Anyways, I don't really think anyone will be too pleased about you camping out with them so I guess we'll need to think of something else. Let's see now… Aha! I've got it!"

With that, Viridi headed off towards an empty hallway with Pit following close behind. After a few minutes of walking, the goddess stopped in front of a very shady-looking door.

"Here we go. The perfect room for our honored guest."

"It… looks more like a storage closet than a guest room…" Pit muttered as he hesitantly reached forward and opened the door. As soon as he did so, a bunch of old mops and buckets came crashing out. "Hey, wait a second! This really is a storage closet!"

"No duh it's a storage closet," Viridi commented with a nonchalant shrug.

"Uh uh. No. I am not going to sleep inside this tiny little closet!"

"Well, where else are you going to spend the night then genius?" Viridi asked with her arms crossed. "I can't have you just squatting in the middle of my sanctuary like some hobo you know. Besides, I'll get some of the Urgles to clean the place up and place a temporary bed for you."

Realizing that arguing any further was a lost cause, Pit hung his head in defeat and gave a depressed sigh.

"Fine. You win. I'll sleep inside this… closet."

"Perfect!" Viridi exclaimed with a triumphant smile. "Now then, why don't you go off and find something to do while your room gets prepared? As for me, I'm going to head off to check up on my troops. See ya later Pit!"

With that, the Goddess of Nature teleported out of the room leaving a very depressed angel behind.

**xxx**

Having nothing better to do, Pit decided that now was a good time to get some food.

"Man, being a ring for three years can really work up an appetite," Pit said to himself as he made his way back to the cafeteria. "I wonder if they have any garbage… I mean, burgers… here. Heh heh. I guess I still have that dog's thoughts in my mind."

Once he reached the cafeteria, Pit cautiously stuck his head in to see what the place looked like. At first glance, the place looked just like a typical buffet restaurant with numerous tables of food laid up in a row at the back with a bunch of tables littering the rest of the room. The only really strange thing about the place was the dirt floor and the numerous giant boulders and trees that decorated the area. At the moment, only a couple of Nutskis, Cawcaws, and a few Flages were inside as they chatted in their weird plant language. Figuring it was safe, Pit headed inside. As he did so, he spotted a cash register a few feet to his left with an Urgle standing behind it.

"Umm… I'm guessing I pay here right?" Pit asked uncertainly as he approached the cashier.

In response, the Urgle merely rolled its eyes and held out its enormous hand to accept the hearts.

After paying the 5000 hearts, Pit went over to the food tables to see if there was anything edible. Luckily for him, there were plenty of normal dishes such as pizzas, burgers, roast meat, and fruits. However, there were also quite a few questionable dishes, such as Monoeye soup and candied Ornes, among the selections as well. Deciding to play it safe, Pit quickly piled his plate with as many burgers as he could and turned around to find a place to sit. Still a bit wary of the Cawcaws, Pit decided to keep a large distance away from them and picked a spot in the corner.

"Well, the place might look a little strange, but at least the food looks good," Pit commented as he sat down at one of the tables and picked up a burger. "Seriously though, I know that they're going for the natural look and all but placing all these trees and boulders in here seems a bit overkill. And whose bright idea was it to put a dirt floor in a cafeteria? That has to be against some kind of health code or something."

As soon as he said this, one of the boulder in front of him turned around revealing a face behind it. As expected, Pit didn't take the surprise very well.

"Aghhh!" Pit screamed in a high-pitched voice as he dropped the burger he was holding. "It's a giant rock monster! Run for your… wait a second… I've seen that face before. Is that you Cragalanche?"

As expected, the rocky commander of the Forces of Nature replied in his usual manner.

"…"

"Hey, it is you!" Pit said with a smile as he calmed down. "Whew! I thought for sure you were an angry Graveler that was going to attack me! I don't know what it is but those rock-types always seemed to have it out for me."

"…"

"So… what are you doing here Cragalanche?" Pit asked cheerfully as he picked up his burger once again. "I didn't know rocks had to eat."

"…"

"Umm… I guess they don't. If that's the case, I'm assuming this is just your usual hang-out?"

"…"

"Strong and silent as ever I see," Pit muttered. "By the way, I see that you fixed up that weak-spot on your butt. Heh heh... Umm… I really hope you're not holding a grudge against me for our battle before."

"…"

"Okay, good. I'm sure Viridi's told you but we're on the same side now. I hope we can put our past behind us and get along."

"…"

"Thanks buddy. I knew you would understand."

With that said, Pit began digging into his mountain of burgers. Unfortunately for him, Cragalanche continued to stare at him with the same unnerving gaze as before.

"Umm… are you going to stare at me the entire time I eat?" Pit asked uncomfortably as he finished off his first burger. "It's kinda unsettling.

"…"

"Okay… er… if it's all the same to you, could you… just maybe turn around until I finish eating?"

"…"

"Guess not. Well… this isn't weird at all," Pit said sarcastically. "I guess I'll just finish my meal while a giant living rock continues to stare into the very depths of my soul with that look of his."

"…"

"Fine, have it your way. I'll just pretend like you're not even there."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"You're still staring at me, aren't you…?"

"…"

**xxx**

After that very eventful dinner, Pit made his way back to his closet… er, room. Upon getting there, he saw that Viridi had kept her word and had cleaned out the closet as well as somehow squeezing a small bed inside. However, the sheets covering it looked anything but new and were covered in numerous stains and holes.

"Terrific," Pit said with a sigh as he inspected the ragged bed sheets. "The great Goddess of Nature couldn't even afford to get me some new sheets. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if a bunch of bugs come crawling out of it the moment I… AGHHHHH!"

As soon as Pit touched the sheets, a large Skreetle suddenly popped out of the sheets. After giving an angry hiss at Pit, the giant beetle scurried away into the hallway.

"It's just one thing after another!" Pit shouted out to no one in particular. "Can't a guy get a little break once in a while? Ah, whatever. At least I still have my 3DS with me. I'm sure playing a few rounds of Light vs. Dark will cheer me up."

With that, Pit turned on his game only to realize that his troubles were far from over.

"No… this can't be… it… it doesn't make any sense… I… I… NOOOOOOOOO!"

Indeed, Viridi's sanctuary had no Wi-Fi.


	2. Settling In

**I have to say, I'm kinda surprised by the number of positive feedback for this story. This goes without saying but thanks to all of you that left a review!**

**Anyways, I've got about two or three more chapters planned for this nutty thing. Of course, if a lot of you want me to, I guess I could add in a few alternate scenes or whatnot. We'll just have to see how things turn out by then.**

**Also, be sure to vote for your favorite random pairing of the month on my profile page. I'm sure you can find at least one weird pairing that you know.**

**Hope you continue to enjoy the mayhem! **

* * *

**Ch 2: Settling In… Sort Of**

"… so throwing a bunch of humans against the force field had no effect? Hmm… Guess we'll have to think of something else then. Alright, you're free to go."

With a small _bzzt_ sound, the Zert messenger left Viridi's office. The goddess in question was currently sitting at the head of a large, wooden conference desk as she aimlessly tapped a pen on her head while pondering about what to do next.

As far as offices went, Viridi's was definitely one of the more… interesting ones. The whole room seemed to be shaped from a giant tree whose branches extended overhead to form several majestic arcs. A series of wooden columns lined the sides of the room along with several colorful flower bushes. The back of the room was fitted with numerous tinted windows that made the incoming sunlight glow with a bright orange, giving the impression of a sunset. All in all, the place seemed like something straight out of a fantasy novel.

Normally, there would have been at least one or two of Viridi's commanders in the room as well as a few high-ranking troops but it was still early on in the morning so the place was completely empty except for one very tired goddess. Having spent the better part of her morning trying out various ways to break through Palutena's barrier without any results, Viridi was ready to call it quits and get some breakfast. However, just as she was putting away the written reports in front of her, the door to her office suddenly burst open as Pit practically tumbled inside.

"Oh geez, what are you doing here?" Viridi asked in an annoyed voice as she watched the angel trying to recover from his sprint to the office. "I thought you'd be the type to wake up only when it was time for lunch."

After finally catching his breath, Pit walked up to the goddess and faced her with a very serious look.

"Okay, first off, I'd like to say that the bed you gave me wasn't very comfortable," Pit declared indignantly. "I barely got any sleep because of all the lumps on the mattress. Secondly, there's a Skreetle who keeps wandering into my room. I'm pretty sure it used to live inside the closet before I moved in and now it thinks I'm invading its territory. All that aside though… WHY DOESN'T THIS PLACE HAVE WI-FI?"

Viridi simply gave a frustrated sigh at this and continued to put away the reports before answering.

"Listen princess, we don't have any other mattresses or rooms so you'll just have to make do with what you have. As for the Wi-Fi issue, whose fault do you think that is?"

"What? Are you saying that I'm the cause of this problem?"

"Of course I mean that you dummy," Viridi answered coldly as she stood up and made her way to the filing cabinets at the back of the room. "Remember the Reset Bomb Depot from three years ago? That's where we kept all of our servers and routers before you decided to go Nutski on the place."

"Oh… Umm… I… didn't know that…"

"Gee that's a big surprise," Viridi muttered as she put the reports into the appropriate cabinets. "Anyways, after that little fiasco, we never managed to find the time to get the Wi-Fi back to this place. Luckily, Arlon managed to hook up a broadband connection so if you really need to use the internet, head over to the PC room I showed you yesterday."

"Umm… that's okay," Pit answered sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. "I just wanted to play some Light Vs. Dark during my free time."

"Right. Well, I'm off to get some breakfast so why don't you go and find someone else to bother for the rest of the day?"

After checking that all the reports were in the right place, Viridi closed the cabinet and began heading towards the door. Just before exiting though, she turned around and gave Pit a rather unsettling grin.

"Speaking of the Reset Bomb Depot, you'll be glad to know that you're no longer at the top of my To-Kill list. Of course, that doesn't mean you're off the list completely so I'd watch my back if I were you."

With that final comment, the Goddess of Nature left the office laughing as Pit began praying to some imaginary god that she wasn't being serious.

**xxx**

Not wanting to run into Viridi at the cafeteria, Pit decided to spend some time exploring the sanctuary before getting something to eat himself. Unfortunately the only rooms he managed to run across within the first several minutes of wandering were a library, a gym, and a shrine dedicated to Viridi herself. As expected, none of these places really grabbed Pit's attention. Just as he decided to head towards the PC room, a large door with a bright neon sign caught his eye. Upon further inspection, he saw that the place was the game's room that Viridi had told him about during yesterday's tour. With nothing better to do, Pit decided to head inside.

Out of all the places within the sanctuary that the angel had seen so far, the game's room was definitely the largest of them all. Easily as big as the main courtyard of Skyworld, the place was filled with practically every form of entertainment possible. Gigantic TVs with every known Nintendo console, rows after rows of pool tables, a gigantic array of arcade cabinets, a bowling alley, the place had it all. Pit even thought he saw some Sony and Microsoft consoles near the back corner but decided it was just his imagination. As one might imagine, Pit was very impressed by what he saw.

As he walked through the enormous room trying to decide on what to play, Pit spotted a familiar face playing Super Smash Bros. Melee with a currently-green Jitterthug at the GameCube area.

"Hey, it's Arlon!" Pit cheerfully declared as he made his way towards him. "I never thought I'd see you at a place like this!"

Instead of responding, the butler-like commander chose to keep his focus on the game. As Pit watched from the back, Arlon quickly made Falco dair spike Fox into oblivion, winning him the match. As the results screen came up, the Jitterthug gave a frustrated growl before handing over several hearts to Arlon.

"Pleasure doing business with you, good sir," Arlon calmly commented as he pocketed the hearts. "Perhaps next time, you'll think twice before underestimating my pillaring skills."

Giving one last growl, the Jitterthug flipped his face upside down and angrily stormed out of the room as his body turned bright red. As Pit tried to make sense of this rather bizarre scene, Arlon rose up and turned to finally greet the angel.

"Ah, if it isn't the young master Pit," Arlon said with a small bow. "I apologize for not responding to you earlier but as you saw I was quite preoccupied with my current task."

"Er… it's nice to see you too," Pit answered uncertainly. "Anyways, I'm guessing you're wondering why I'm here and…"

"Mistress Viridi has already informed me of the current situation," Arlon interrupted with a wave of his hand. "As such, your presence here was, to be quite frank, expected. However, I must admit that I am a bit surprised to see you up and about at this time of the hour."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Pit pouted with his arms crossed. "I can get up early when I want to you know."

"So it would seem. Anywho, I suppose you came here looking for some form of entertainment. If that is the case, perhaps you would be interested in partaking in a match against me?"

"You mean in Melee?"

"Of course. That is, unless the young master wishes to cross swords with me in an actual duel once more."

"Umm… I'd rather not," Pit quickly replied as he took up the controller that the Jitterthug had left behind. "Melee is just fine."

"Very well," Arlon said as he sat back down and picked up his controller. "I must warn you however that I take this game very seriously."

"Heh, no problems there," Pit answered confidently. "Back in Skyworld, I was always first place whenever we held a tournament."

"Is that so? Hmm… then might I suggest that we engage in a friendly little bet?"

"What kind of bet?"

"Perhaps the loser might buy the victor their morning meal? I have yet to partake in my breakfast and from that feral sound coming from your stomach, I'm assuming that you have yet to do so either."

"Oh, you heard that?" Pit asked with an embarrassed smile. "Well, I am getting a bit hungry so that sounds like a good idea. Alright, time to score me some free breakfast!"

"Your enthusiasm is much noted," Arlon commented as the two of them made their way to the character selection screen. "Seeing as how you claim to be a master at this particular game, I suppose I have no choice but to play as Falco once more."

"Heh. I've beaten that bird more times than I can count. Alright, I'm going to play as Kirby, my sixth cousin twice removed!"

"An… interesting choice. Anywho, we'll be playing with a standard set-up then: No items, three stock, Final Destination only. I assume the young master has no objections?"

"Bring it on!"

"Very well. As a certain famous plumber would say: Here we go!"

With that, the two began their epic duel that would echo across history for untold generations. Songs would be written about the greatness that was about to unfold. Gods and humans alike would look back to this day as the single most important duel in all of existence. This was truly the Melee to end all Melees… or at least it might have been if there had actually been a game to watch. Exactly fifty-four seconds later, the two of them were back at the results screen with Pit staring at the screen in disbelief.

"Umm… er… I was… just warming up…" Pit said in a lame attempt to hide his embarrassment.

Arlon remained silent for a moment before deciding to speak.

"Tell me Master Pit. Do you happen to know what wavedashing is?"

"A wave-what?"

"Oh dear," Arlon said with a sigh. "At the very least, please inform me that you understand the notion of L-canceling and DI."

"Is that some kind of disease?"

Arlon had to use almost every ounce of his willpower not to facepalm at Pit's comment. After taking a deep breath, the commander took up the controller once again as he set up another match.

"It seems I shall have to play with a few handicaps to allow for some form of challenge to even remotely exist. I suppose there's no option but for me to play as Pichu with a 50% initial damage factor. Perhaps then you might stand a chance."

Just as Pit was about to open his mouth to complain, he remembered just how quickly Falco had kicked Kirby off the map in the previous match. Deciding that it was probably a good idea to accept the handicap, Pit grudgingly took up his controller and selected Kirby once more.

"Everything seems to be in order," as Arlon checked to make sure everything was ready. "This is it. May the best player win!"

"I won't lose this time!" Pit yelled out more to himself than anything. "Prepare to receive a healthy dose of butt-kicking!"

…and one minute and fourteen seconds later, the two were back at the results screen.

"Umm… best 3 out of 5?"

**xxx  
**_Meanwhile, at the cafeteria…_

"Ahh… this is the life…" Viridi commented peacefully as she took another sip of her tea. Having just finished an entire plate of scrambled idol eggs and some toast, the goddess was in quite a good mood. The fact that Pit wasn't currently pestering her also added to the positive outlook of her day.

"Too bad the Wish Seed was a fake," Viridi commented as she finished her tea. "I would've loved to have wished for everyday to be as peaceful as it is right now. No work, no humans, no annoying God of the Underworld, and certainly no dweebs. It doesn't get much better than this."

As Viridi put down her cup, she noticed that several of the tea leaves at the bottom were lying in an interesting position. Deciding to have a little fun, the goddess decided to read her own fortune.

"Well, let's see what the day has in store for me," Viridi said to herself as she took a good look at the leaves. "Hmm… that's quite an interesting clump over there. That obviously stands for… an approaching danger. Gee, that's promising. Oh well, let's see if I can find anything more specific about it. Umm… two leaves over a folded third. Obviously stands for a lack of intelligence. But what does it all mean?"

After a few more minutes of looking, Viridi was finally able to figure out exactly what the tea leaves were saying. However, her annoyed look made it obvious that she didn't like what she had found.

"Beware of the approaching dweeb," Viridi recited angrily as she put the cup back down. "His pestering shall know no bounds and will threaten to consume your sanity. Also, the lottery numbers you chose yesterday will not match. Better luck next time…"

As soon as she said this, Arlon and the aforementioned dweeb suddenly walked into the cafeteria. For whatever reason, the angel seemed to be in a bad mood as he paid an unusually large amount of hearts to the cashier before heading over to food tables with Arlon.

"Oh come on," Viridi said to herself as she tried not to be seen by either of them. "Can't a goddess enjoy a peaceful morning by herself for once?"

Unfortunately for her, Arlon immediately spotted her and headed over after grabbing a few muffins and a cup of coffee. To make matters worse, Pit decided to follow along and approached her as well (after piling his plate with everything he could grab of course).

"Good morning Mistress Viridi," Arlon said with his complementary bow before sitting down across from her. "I hope your finding this day to be quite as enjoyable as I am."

"Well I was before you dragged along that idiot with you," Viridi muttered darkly as Pit sat down next to her with his mountain of food.

"Huh? Did you say something?" the said idiot asked as he picked up his fork.

"Nothing. Anyways, I was just about to leave so…"

"Oh yes, I almost forgot," Arlon interrupted, stopping Viridi from making her hasty escape. "I received a message from Lady Phosphora on my way here. She asked me to inform you that she may have found a way to break through Palutena's force field."

"Wha…?" Pit suddenly exclaimed with his mouth full of food.

"Ugh. Didn't anyone teach you to keep your mouth closed while eating?" Viridi shot at Pit before turning her attention back to Arlon. "Anyways, did she include the specifics in her message?"

"Indeed," Arlon said as he pulled out his phone and handed it over to the goddess. "I have only glanced through it but I believe her method might be effective."

Viridi quickly grabbed the phone while Pit kept trying to sneak a peek from her side. Remembering her fortune about the dweeb's constant pestering, Viridi made it a point to roughly kick the angel a good ten feet away from her before reading the message. After a few seconds, Viridi handed the phone back to Arlon with a smile on her face.

"Heh. Leave it to Phosphora to come up with a crazy idea like that. Alright, we'll try out this idea tonight so don't plan anything important."

"Hey, what exactly is the plan?" Pit asked loudly as he made his way back to the table. "If there's a way to get to Lady Palutena, I want in as well!"

"Oh, don't worry," Viridi said with a sly grin as she got up from the table. "Phosphora's personally asked for you to be brought along for this particular operation. For your sake, I hope you're a lot more durable than you look. If not, then there might be one less angel at this sanctuary by tomorrow morning."

With that ominous note, the Goddess of Nature left the room while laughing like an utter maniac.

"Er… she was just joking about my possible death, right?" Pit asked Arlon in a worried tone.

"That I cannot say," Arlon replied indifferently after taking a sip of his coffee. "However, I feel it is fair to advise you to check up on your health insurance before partaking in tonight's mission."

"Great… That makes me feel so much better…"

"You're welcome."

"I was being sarcastic!" Pit shouted out before burying his head in his hands. "Oh man… this isn't going to end well for me is it?"

"That is very likely."

"Any chance you can tell Viridi that I can't make it to tonight's mission because of a sudden cold?"

"Absolutely not."

After a long silence, Pit slowly got up and began walking towards the exit.

"May I ask where you're going Master Pit?" Arlon asked with a small smile on his face as he picked up one of his muffins.

"I'm going to go write my will now," Pit replied with his comical teary-eyed face. "I'm sure Magnus will like the weapons I leave behind for him."

With that, Pit sulked back to his Skreetle-infested room, leaving Arlon to enjoy his free breakfast.


	3. Operation Pit-Stain

**I've always felt that there should have been at least one extra mission before the Lightning Chariot Tower. Knowing Viridi and her commanders, I expected several half-baked and painful attempts at trying to get Pit through Palutena's force field without any success. As such, that's exactly what this chapter is going to cover. Prepare to see Pit face off against a real natural disaster of a plan. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Ch 3: Operation Pit-Stain**

_To those reading this will, let it be known that upon my passing I leave behind all of my clubs and blades to Magnus the human. May he have better luck using them than I did. The rest of my weapons shall be passed on to Bob the Centurion, assuming that he is currently alive at the time of this announcement. The remaining sum of my hearts shall be divided up and given to the victims of Hades' Chariot Rage of 2012. Last but not least, I leave my prized tunic and golden laurel to Lady Palutena. However, should she still be acting crazy and attacking the humans, the aforementioned items shall instead be given to Viridi, the Goddess of Nature. In the case that she refuses though (which is very likely), may the items be placed on display at whatever museum happens to be the most famous at the time. Let it be remembered that I died as the greatest of all heroes._

_Signed,  
__Pit the Angel_

"So did you get everything down?" Pit asked his Skreetle roommate as he finished reciting what he wanted to be on his will. "You didn't forget to add the part about my tunic, did you?"

The Skreetle gave an annoyed hiss at Pit before dipping one of its legs into the ink jar and then using it to finish writing down the last few sentences on the document. After reading over it once more to make sure there weren't any spelling mistakes, the giant bug handed over the will to its owner.

"Thanks buddy," Pit said as he gave the Skreetle some hearts as payment. "You have no idea how embarrassing it is to not know how to read or write."

The Skreetle merely gave another hiss before returning to the underside of Pit's bed.

With his will written out, Pit decided to head outside and enjoy what little time he had left before Viridi's killer mission. Not in the mood for any games, Pit decided to head down to the gardens that he had seen the day before.

After several minutes of walking, Pit found what he was looking for. However, his attention was immediately directed towards the large golden door that stood next to the garden's entrance. Even though he couldn't make out what the giant sign above it said, Pit couldn't help but be drawn in by the mysterious door. His curiosity getting the better of him, Pit decided to head inside the place.

"Wow, it's like an actual jungle in here," Pit commented as he stepped into the room. "Hmm… I wonder what they keep inside a place like this."

Before he could think of anything else however, the door behind him suddenly slammed shut.

"Uh oh. That's not a good sign," Pit said aloud as he ran back to the door and tried to pull it open. Unfortunately, the door refused to budge causing Pit to step back in defeat after a few minutes.

"Great. Now I'm trapped inside some mystery jungle room without any weapons," Pit muttered as he slumped down onto the ground. "I don't see how this day can get any worse."

In response, a large number of angry growls were heard coming from the trees surrounding him.

"Oh come on!"

**xxx  
**_Several hours later at Viridi's office…_

"Where is he?" Viridi asked impatiently as she looked up at the clock once more. "It's already been thirty minutes since I sent that dolt the message to meet us here."

"Perhaps the young master is asleep?" Arlon commented as he finished off his fourth cup of tea. "It is past midnight after all."

"Even he couldn't have slept through all the shouting I sent through his laurel," Viridi replied with a hint of worry in her voice. "I can't seem to pinpoint his location either. Ugh. I can't help but wonder if something's happened to him."

"Awww. It sounds like someone's worried about our little angel friend," Phosphora's voice was heard saying through the communicator on the desk. "And here I was thinking that I was going to keep him all for myself."

"Shut it Phosphora!" Viridi shouted in a rather flustered way. "I'm just afraid that nincompoop's going to ruin our plans!"

"No need to get so worked up," Phosphora replied in a playful voice. "I was just making a little joke. Well, whatever. I'm off to take out some Centurions while I wait. Hopefully there's still a few left on the other side of Skyworld. See ya guys later!"

"Seriously though, where is he?" Viridi muttered to herself as Phospora hung up. "I know he wasn't looking forward to this mission but he certainly wouldn't have run away from a chance at rescuing Palutena."

"Might I suggest scanning the sanctuary for him?" Arlon put in as he turned on his computer. "It's possible that Master Pit has accidentally found his way into some of our… restricted facilities. If so, the anti-telepathy security measures around the rooms may be interfering with your powers."

"Well, I wouldn't put it past him to wander into places he isn't supposed to go into," Viridi remarked with a sigh. "Alright, start the scan."

"As you wish."

After a few seconds, the computer gave off a small beep, confirming that it had found its target.

"There you are," Arlon stated as he looked at the computer screen. "And… oh my. The young master seems to have trapped himself in quite an unfortunate situation."

"What? Where is he?"

"It seems he has made his way into our wild Clobbler preserve. And from the looks of things, I would presume that the local residents aren't taking too kindly to his presence."

"That dunce! I specifically told him not to enter that place! And even if he forgot, how could he have missed the giant warning sign above the door?"

"That I cannot say. However, might I suggest using your powers to extract him before those Clobblers finish turning Master Pit into angel jelly?"

**xxx  
**_Several minutes later…_

"So… many… Clobblers…" Pit managed to stutter out from his chair as Arlon handed him a Drink of the Gods. "Th… those green arms… they just kept clobbering… and clobbering… and…"

"Geez we get it already," Viridi interrupted with a sigh. "Clobblers like to clobber stuff. Why do you think I named them that in the first place?"

After drinking the full-heal item and spending a few minutes trying to recover from the psychological trauma, Pit managed to regain some of his senses.

"So… why did you bring me here?" Pit asked the goddess. "I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm glad you rescued me from that place and all but isn't it a bit late to be holding a conference meeting?"

"Are you serious? Have you already forgotten about the mission?"

"Oh right," Pit said unenthusiastically. "To be fair though, you would have a hard time remembering anything too if you spent the last several hours running away and then getting beaten up by a bunch of mutant cherry monsters."

"Yeah, whatever. Either way, we're already behind schedule so I'll save the explanations for later. Before we head out though, put these on."

As she said this, Viridi handed Pit a large set of armor and helmet.

"Umm… aren't these the armor that the Centurion Knights wear?" a very confused Pit asked. "How did you manage to get your hands on these?"

"Phosphora was able to… liberate… some of these from the guards around Skyworld," Viridi answered with a mischievous smile. "Anyways, I used my powers to make them a bit bigger so you shouldn't have any problems getting into them. Now hurry up and get dressed so we can get a move on!"

Even though he was still unsure of what was going on, Pit decided to follow Viridi's orders and put on the armor. Just as the goddess had said, the armor was just his size and fit him perfectly making him look exactly like an oversized Centurion Knight.

"Perfect! Now then, I want the three of you to head towards the exit door on the…"

"Wait, the three of us?" Pit interrupted. "Who else is coming besides Arlon and me?"

"Ugh. Look behind you, you dummy."

Taking her advice, Pit turned around to find Cragalanche standing silently behind him.

"Oh, hey there Cragalanche!" Pit declared cheerfully. "I didn't realize that you were here this whole time. I thought you were just a part of the scenery."

"…"

"Ahem. If you're done chatting, perhaps I can finish giving my orders now?" Viridi asked impatiently.

"Oh, right. Sorry about that."

"As I was saying earlier, head to the exit door on the fourth floor. That'll take you to a warp tunnel which will lead you all the way to Skyworld. Phosphora should have already cleared out any guards around the place so getting there shouldn't be much of a problem. Once you meet up with her, I'll explain the next step of the plan."

"Sounds easy enough," Pit replied cheerfully as he got up. "Alright team, let's move out!"

"I like your enthusiasm but let's not forget that I put Phosphora in charge of this mission," Viridi reminded him. "And until you meet up with her, Arlon's going to be leading this little squad."

"What? How come I don't get to be leader?"

"My sanctuary, my rules. Now hurry and get going before I kick you out!"

With that, Pit sulked out of the room with Arlon and Cragalanche leading the way. After several minutes of walking, the three of them made it to the designated door and began prepping themselves for the journey ahead.

"I still don't get why I have to wear this armor," Pit asked aloud as they waited for Viridi to give the all-clear. "It's so bulky that I can't use any of my usual weapons. Oh well. At least I can still use this palm without any trouble."

"Ah, I see that you have yourself the Viridi Palm," Arlon commented as he took a look at Pit's weapon. "I have yet to use it myself but I have heard that its charge shots are quite devastating. On the other hand though, I must admit that I am a bit surprised that you would use a weapon based on our young mistress. Perhaps this is an indication that you are harboring some hidden feelings for her?"

"WHAT?" Pit blurted out as he turned bright red. "That's not… I'm not… Er…It's not like that at all! This was just the only decent palm that I managed to find at the store!"

"Calm yourself Master Pit," Arlon replied with a small laugh. "I was merely joking of course."

Before Pit could say anything, the door opened up revealing the peaceful night sky outside. As it did so, Viridi spoke to all of them telepathically.

"Alright you're good to go. I'm detecting a few Underworld monsters lurking about along the way but it's nothing serious. Just keep your guards up and you'll be fine. Oh, and Arlon? Make that kind of joke about Pit and me again and I'll have you scrubbing the latrines for a week."

"Ahem. My apologies miss."

"Good. Now let's get this mission started!"

With that Arlon and Cragalanche both used their levitation powers to fly off into the night sky. After waiting a few seconds for Viridi to activate the Power of Flight, Pit followed suit as he too flew off into the distance.

"Huh. I didn't know you could fly Cragalanche," Pit commented as he caught up with the two of them. "No offense, but it's kinda weird seeing a giant boulder flying through the sky like this."

"…"

"Enough yammering," Viridi suddenly interrupted. "You're nearing the warp tunnel so I suggest getting your weapons at the ready. Of course, with the three of you together, this is probably going to be a piece of cake."

"Speaking of cake, do either of you guys have anything to eat?" Pit asked as the warp tunnel came into view. "I'm practically starving right now. After all, I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast."

In response, Cragalanche magically summoned a handful of rocks and held them out to Pit.

"Umm… thanks but no thanks," Pit said as he pushed the rocks away. "I can't digest rocks. Trust me, I've tried."

With a shrug, Cragalanche ate the rocks himself as the three of them entered the warp tunnel. Just as Viridi had said, there were a few Monoeyes and Miks patrolling the area but most of them were quickly mowed down by Arlon's energy discs and Pit's heart-shaped projectiles. The few enemies that survived the onslaught were met with the unlucky fate of being hit face-first by a giant boulder flying at several hundred miles per hour. As such, the three of them were easily able to make their way through the warp tunnel and soon found themselves in front of Palutena's temple. As the team began looking around the area, a familiar bolt of blue lightning suddenly appeared out of the horizon and made its way towards them.

"Look who finally decided to show up," Phosphora said with a smile as she stopped in front of the gang. "I was beginning to wonder if all of you were eaten by a Tempura Wizard or something."

"It's a pleasure to see you again too Lady Phosphora," Arlon replied with a bow. "However, might I recommend having this conversation elsewhere? Mistress Viridi can only hold up Master Pit for so long before his wings proceed to spontaneously combust."

"Still as stuffy as ever, aren't you? Well, whatever. I guess we can head towards that little landmass over there for the time being. Come on."

As the four of them made their way towards the small floating island, Phosphora flew in next to Pit with a playful smile.

"Well aren't you looking cute in that little Centurion costume," the electric commander said with a giggle. "I have to say, that armor suits you a lot better than the guy I stole it from."

"Oh… umm… thanks?" Pit stuttered out uncertainly. "Y… you're looking great too."

"Awww. I forgot just how adorable you could be," Phosphora replied flirtatiously as she flew in even closer to Pit. "You know, we should spend a little more time together after this mission is over. Just you and me... alone..."

Needless to say, Pit's face transitioned through several different shades of red upon hearing this. As Phosphora began laughing at Pit's expression, the rest of the team reached their destination and landed.

"Alright looks like we're all here," Viridi spoke up once Pit and Phosphora had landed as well. "Palutena's probably asleep by now so we need to act quickly before she wakes up."

"Wait," Pit suddenly interrupted. "You still haven't told me anything about the plan yet."

"Oh, fine," the goddess said with a sigh. "I guess I better give you a little background info before we start. Ahem. As you probably already know, there are only a few things that can currently get through this barrier. Thanks to Phosphora, we've managed to learn that the Centurion's armor is one of them. Apparently, it doesn't matter if anyone's wearing the armor or not because the force field will let it through regardless. As a result, it's theoretically possible that a person can get inside the barrier by putting on the armor. However, the person has to be traveling at an incredibly high speed so that the force field will only have time to register the armor and not the person wearing it."

"Oh I get it!" Pit exclaimed excitedly after spending a few minutes processing everything Viridi had just said. "Essentially, we just have to trick the barrier into thinking that the armor is still empty! Wow, I didn't know that you and Phosphora were this smart! Now all we need is a set of Centurion armor and a volunteer to go through the barrier!"

Everyone remained silent as they all waited for Pit's mind to slowly connect the dots. After a few minutes, the angel's cheerful smile slowly melted away into a frown.

"Wait a second… I'm wearing an armor right now… oh no! No no no no no no! I don't want to be thrown at that force field again!"

"Too late for that," Viridi replied with an evil laugh. "Operation Pit-Stain is a go!"

Before Pit could run, Cragalanche suddenly grabbed him and flew up into the air.

"No no no no! Come on Cragalanche! I thought we were best friends!" Pit shouted out desperately. "Let's just take a second to talk this out! I'm sure we don't need to… AGGHHHHHHH!"

As it turned out, Cragalanche didn't throw the angel hard enough to pass through the barrier. As a result, Pit simply crashed into the brick-like surface face-first.

"Ouch. That looked like it hurt," Phosphora remarked brightly with a smile on her face. "Oh well, better luck next time Craggy! Alright why don't you go next Mr. Butler?"

"Very well," Arlon replied as he flew off to catch the very concussed Pit. "I suppose it falls to me to see this plan through."

After preventing Pit from falling to his doom, Arlon made his way back to the island with the angel in tow. By now, Pit had regained his senses and began screaming for mercy once more.

"I'm begging you Arlon! Please don't do this! I even bought you breakfast!"

"To be fair, that was merely the result of your inadequate Melee skills," Arlon reminded the flailing angel. "Honestly, I'm still finding it quite hard to believe that anyone could die that quickly to a Pichu of all things. Well, I hope you don't take this personally Master Pit."

With that, Arlon hurled Pit at the force field with the speed of a laser blast. Unfortunately, the resounding _thud_ that echoed across the sky proved that the barrier had won out once again.

"Looks like that's two points for the force field," Phosphora commented before flying in to catch Pit.

After dragging him back to their little island, Phosphora and the other two commanders saw that Pit's whole body was now blinking red as he stuttered out a bunch of incoherent phrases.

"Umm… is it normal for angels to become broken stop lights when they're injured?" Phosphora asked as Pit began blabbering about pineapple chickens.

"I do believe that red light is an indication that he's entered Crisis Mode," Arlon calmly explained. "Any more damage to him in this current state will be sure to finish him."

"Oh, can I be the one to finish him?" Phosphora asked excitedly as she lifted up Pit. "Can I? Can I?"

"Well, I can just revive him after a few minutes if he's finished so I don't see why not," Viridi replied in an amused voice. "He'll wake up with a few less hearts but I think that's a small price to pay for our entertainment. Alright Phosphora, give it your best shot."

"Wheee! You're the best Mistress Viridi!"

Without wasting a second, Phosphora flew back up into the air with Pit in tow. After giving herself some flying distance to build up some speed, Phosphora prepared to launch Pit into oblivion. Unfortunately for the angel, he was still too dazed to fully grasp the unfortunate fate that awaited him.

"Heh… heh… You're purty…" Pit managed to mumble out as he looked up to see Phosphora.

"Awww, now you're making me feel bad for what I'm about to do to you," she responded sweetly. "Too bad I haven't forgotten about our little battle at the Thunder Cloud Temple. Now then, I think it's time I got a little payback for that. See you in a few minutes angel cakes!"

With that, Phosphora propelled herself towards Palutena's temple at lightning speed. Just before she reached the force field's edge, Phosphora launched Pit with the force of a lunar shuttle takeoff. As Viridi and all of her commanders watched expectantly, the semi-unconscious Pit seemed to majestically soar towards the barrier like an eagle… only to explode into a bunch of feathers a few seconds later.

"Well… that didn't go exactly as planned," Viridi commented with a small laugh as she prepared to resurrect Pit. "But hey, at least we all managed to have some fun. Everyone except for Pit, that is."

"I think even Sir Cragalanche enjoyed today's mission," Arlon added with a small smile.

"…"

"Well, I guess we'll call it a night after I bring back Pit," Viridi announced as Phosphora rejoined the group. "I think it's pretty obvious we're not getting through the barrier like this. It's a shame too. I had high hopes for this plan."

"Why don't we give a few more tries before calling it quits?" Phosphora suggested with a sly grin. "I mean who knows? One of us might be able to get a lucky shot in."

After taking a brief moment to look at the time, Viridi replied with a casual shrug.

"Eh, why not. I think we could all use a few more laughs at Pit's expense. Of course, it is pretty late though, so try not to get too carried away."

"Oh don't worry," Phosphora replied with a wide smile. "The boys and I will only be making a _few_ more throws before heading back. Speaking of which, could you also give us the Throwing Boost, Mega Laser, and Super Speed powers while you're at it?"

"Heh heh. I like the way you think," Viridi responded approvingly as she sent down the various powers. "Alright, Pit should be appearing in front of you guys in a few seconds. Why don't you start things off this time Phosphora?"

"With pleasure."

And with that, the Pit-throwing contest began once again. In the end, Pit was finished off a total of 58 times before everyone got bored and decided to head back. Needless to say, the only thing that was accomplished that day was giving Pit the concussion of a lifetime.


End file.
